really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
