New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
