It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
