my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
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If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
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He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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