Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
