Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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