ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i just google imaged poop.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
