The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
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Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
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My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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