so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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