My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
