dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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