someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
