How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
