I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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