I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
