my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
