Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
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