Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
