I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
