You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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