like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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