That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Randomize
