Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I touched a dick in church today
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
