i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
