Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
