does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
