You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
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She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
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I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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