in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
