he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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