the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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