Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
