I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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