he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
