smell my finger.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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