no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
