I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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