Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
