Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
