apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
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