he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I didn't notice because vodka
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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