yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
