they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
