I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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