Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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