dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
