ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
and i looked up. we had an audience...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
