Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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