Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
