my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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