five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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