hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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