Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
