I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
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