she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
