if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
