Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize