I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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