so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
