every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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