I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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